Identity

I spent the last few day knocking the noob off the alt.  I did not find it to be that much fun because I constantly found that I had to struggle not make the new avatar into an Ima twin.  Finally, she was equipped with all the best, latest, and greatest…and I just could not connect to this new avatar.  It felt awkward, and I was overthinking every little move, including posting a pic on the feeds…Style might be a give away.

More than anything, I really could not get past the feeling of the alt being somehow just plain dishonest.  Dishonest with myself, mainly.  I have identified with my Ima Rang avatar for nearly 7 years, and wow, I miss my pixel chick!  I miss my friends, the feeds, and somehow, I really miss a piece of me.   It really changed the feel of SL for me.  I did not even have a desire to log in the alt today.

To be, or not to be…really is the fucking question.  At this point, it felt like I had to make a decision as to which scenario was more uncomfortable…Not having the comfort of my pixel chick or the relentless name calling and empty accusations.  Yeah, I guess I will just have to put up with the name calling and the lies.  It really is only important that I know the truth about Ima’s operator.   I want to continue to experience the joy that SL brings me, but that is not going to happen without Ima…So bye bye alt, I hardly knew ye…

Go ahead and tell us how many you made a bet with…We know you will 😛

I’m going on a love fest…!  MWAH!

 

 

 

 

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14 responses to “Identity

  1. I didn’t make a bet :). But I understand you and how you relate to the avatar you have been using for so long. I , too, have – as you know – had my moments of thinking leaving Caity behind and start allover. I could not do it, she is too much me. I think we are not alone in this.
    Maybe it was a good couple of days anyway for you, taking a bit of distance and letting things sink in :). Welcome back Ima !

    • It was a bit astonishing how difficult it was to attempt a farewell to my long time avatar. Depressing even. Well…as they say, lesson learned!

      Thanks! It is great to be back despite my short time away 🙂

  2. I made no bets but, yeah, it’s hard to live any life constantly looking over your own shoulder to see if you sound like, well, you. You remember how someone claimed how hard she worked to suppress the texting characteristics of an alt (not hard enough because I saw one. Hint: :::coughs:::). It’s just too much work!

    • The bet bit was for the one who claims not to read my blog but historically posts how she “made bets” on what I would post. Yeah, I have spotted a few of them 🙂 It appears some are pulled off by being a poster of very few words.

  3. I did no bets either. As I was reading yesterday, I thought it was sad that you gave that predator the victory of making you stop using your avatar. It would be the equivalent of having to change your identity in the real world, and still you could never live as you used to, because you should have to always keep an eye in not giving too much of yourself.

    But now I read that Ima will be back, and I’m really glad about. Probably, the predator is not so happy, but remember, they have no power over you and they never should.

    I understand the frustration and the tiredness over the situation. We know very well their modus operandi. But it is possible to get rid of them, and that’s going to be a hell of frustration for them, regardless of what they publicly say (Of course, they always have to publicly pretend that they levitate over high moral grounds that we could never reach, but all that is bullshit.)

    Welcome back 🙂

    • Actually, it is interesting that your brought up having to change your identity in RL, because as I went through what felt like a very isolating, and alienating exercise, all I could think is how awful it must be to have to enter into the witness protection program, permanently.

      I guess I did not really view it as her chasing me out of my avatar, but that is probably accurate at the base level.

      I have always found it odd that she leaves for months at a time and comes back in screaming about “bat shit crazy” Ima, and the other “trolls” despite the fact that she has not been negatively engaged by myself or the said trolls. I suppose it is a laying of ground work to support her life long service to victimhood and the eventual reeling in of sympathetic supporters. I find those sympathetic supporters more of an issue than her, as they are apparently void of the ability to think freely and for themselves. She reports to having a series of mental illnesses and I see no reason at this point to dispute that claim. I wonder if it is ever noted that the eruption of drama on the feeds is at its most explosive upon each and every one of her returns…coincidence….me thinks not.

      It is frustrating, but, honestly, that is only because I allowed it to be. We all have our moments of weakness I suppose. I’m over mine, and glad to be back!

      Thanks! Can’t wait to catch up with you inworld! ❤

  4. Within days of my grandmother’s passing, which was devastating for me, I realized that I did not wish to continue on the path which I’d set for myself. Over time, I’d become quite bitter because of the negativity into which I seemed to have embedded myself through my interaction with certain people on the forums and the feeds. It was also quite clear to me that I, myself, was perpetuating that negativity because my own bitterness was causing me to be inappropriately hostile toward specific people and, even worse, just in general. I knew that this had to change because life’s simply too short to remain in an unhappy situation.

    So, I chose to take leave from the forums and feeds for an unknown, though very likely, extended period of time. I promised myself that I would not return until such time that I felt I could muster the self-control not to let such negativity affect me and, therefore, my behavior, as it had before. I also promised myself that, upon my return, I needed to take steps to ensure that I’d never put myself into a position such as that ever again. The one step I took was simple and yet, for the most part, rather effective.

    I made the decision that never again would I allow myself to be pulled into an argument in which I did not chose to participate. I told myself that I, alone, have the power to dictate in what capacity and with whom I interact. No one else can force me to engage in their stupidity or be sucked into their drama… period.

    What this means, in practice, is that I’m very conscious of not posting things impulsively and really making an effort to consider the ramifications of what I say, before I say it… often times, leading me to say nothing, when what I really want is to call someone a nasty fucking bitch.

    As a result, I find it much easier to avoid falling into drama-infused quicksand. This way of thinking also provides me a branch with which to pull myself out of one, should I find myself being sucked under.

    So, remember, Ima… you’ve got the power, no one has the ability to take it from you and you only harm yourself when you choose to hand it over to someone else. Believe me, I know very well how difficult it can sometimes be to take it back, but little else is as worth doing.

    …Dres

    P.S. I’m glad you decided to stick around.

  5. Well, I suppose it is all in how you look at things and the way you process them. I suspect that if for a period of years I posted every chance I got that you are a rape apologist, a person that mocks those with mental illness, or those in a disease state and wrap it with a very dramatic and convicted assertion that you were also bat shit crazy, that you may feel compelled to regard fighting back as attempting to undo these reports as opposed to giving your power away. There is no power online. It is all perception. My power nor my happiness is rooted in SL, and defending myself against these constant accusations is not in my view a transfer of power but an attempt to demonstrate that I am not what is being reported. Perhaps there is a futility in those efforts…well clearly there is. In this situation, SR had spent a few days before I had even realized she had returned posting about me being bat shit crazy and the other items listed above behind closed feeds. Despite that, you determined that it was myself that was inciting her because I spoke out about those efforts of hers. Of course it is devastating when your own friend that has first hand witnessed her capacity for deception and obvious attempts to demonize, squares the responsibility of the situation on your (my) shoulders. It should not be mistaken that I give a fuck what she thinks, but she quite easily sways even the opinions of my friends into believing that I’m the aggressor because the rest of her shit is hidden behind closed feeds, and no one is going to do any research to see who the actual instigator is. She knows this…she has posted as much herself. It is in that way that she gains power over those who have not much of an interest in thinking beyond that which is in their immediate view. I don’t care what she thinks about me, I do care about what my friends think…I was just bit taken aback by what you think. Just because she offered you a series of no-apology apologies, does not make them real or any less manipulative.

    Personally, I’m prepared to deal with the ramifications of calling someone a nasty fucking bitch, if that is what they are. Honesty is the best policy.

    • “There is no power online. It is all perception. My power nor my happiness is rooted in SL, and defending myself against these constant accusations is not in my view a transfer of power but an attempt to demonstrate that I am not what is being reported.”

      If there’s no power online, then why it’s so important to you, to demonstrate that you’re not what *one* single obsessed person says about you?

      People who care about you, know that you’re not what she says.
      People who don’t know you, will think that she’s insane if you do NOT post about her, nor reply to all her poking.

      But if you post every time she does, people who don’t know you will think you’re obsessed, and people who care about you will eventually think that you have a problem. It’s in your power to stop that.

      I’m going to say it just one more time: The only way of winning this “game” is by not playing it at all. Make of it what you will. And remember that you have a lot more to offer. Show that to the world, because as sad as it sounds, if you set yourself on fire, the only you’ll achieve is for people to stay around and watch you burn. Do you really want to give that to her?

      • It is human nature to want to defend yourself against such horrendous accusations of being a monster. Chances are I’m always going to be human because I don’t really believe in zombies.

        I don’t post every time that she does, she just says that I do and it becomes the gospel.

  6. You’re wrong, Ima… never have I, nor would I ever, square the responsibility for the situation on your shoulders. But I do believe that you are responsible for your part in it. I can certainly see why you’d choose to try to set the record straight, but there comes a time when you simply have to realize that continuing to do so has become, as you said, futile.

    You two have been going at it for years now… don’t you think it’s time for one of you to put a stop to it? Clearly, she has no interest in ending it. Perhaps I was mistaken in thinking that you actually did. Otherwise, you would have taken what I told you in the way that it was intended… a suggestion for a way out, rather than an attempt to place the blame on you.

    When I speak of power, I mean the power to control your reaction to her. You have the power to stop giving her ammunition, to stop paying attention to her, to ignore her completely and let her wither on her hate-laden vine. Whether or not you do this is entirely up to you and I will continue to support you regardless of whatever you may choose to do in this regard.

    I apologize profusely if anything I’ve told you concerning this matter has upset you in any way… my intention was not to hurt you. Perhaps I went about it the wrong way, but I was really only trying to help.

    …Dres

    • There is no need for apologies my dear friend. I know it was not your intention to upset or hurt me and I’m not upset or hurt. Frustrated would be a better description, but even that has passed. I guess the issue is that I see her spilling her drama a few days into her return without my interaction, and if I respond to her if she happens to post on an open feed, it is regarded as “Ima inciting Seicher,” and frankly, I see it the other way around. Your points are nonetheless valid. Chances are she will continue her victim dance and verbal bash in the skull of those who protest with her golden halo…and it is not worth responding to or caring about. There will always be small minded individuals who will judge based upon one side of the story, so there really is no point in trying to tell mine. ,#

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